Saturday, February 27, 2010
If you need it
Something I can give
I know I'd help you if I can
If your honest and you say that you did
You know that I would give you my hand
Or a sad song
In a lonely place
I'll try to put a word in for you
Need a shoulder? well if that's the case
You know there's nothing I wouldn't do ...
... Don’t throw it all away
You’re throwing it all away at the end of the day
I learned that in realtionships, you cant have revenge. Because to me, trying to get even with someone only makes you become more restless and the excitement of wanting the revenge so much just turns your feeling all the way back down. When your bf or gf cheats on you. It hurts right ? I know, but to stoop down as low as he/she is just utterly stupid. To gain some one back is not to get even. But to show them that you can be so much better then him/her.
Do yourself a favour, always look on both sides of the room.
You ever get the geeling of being annoyed and irritated just for no reason ? Even the slightest bit of things being said by anyone just completely make u feel on edge. And suddenly you feel like cursing and throwing things .Thats the feeling that is creeping up slowly in me right now. But the fact that somehow i can still contain my patience and my self rightous attitude is suprisingly new to me. I usually just curse and deal with the consequences later. But now im better at controlling myself, so at least i have sumting to be proud of.
The girlfriend says im lazy and i lack confidence ;(
Friday, February 26, 2010
This is th 20th time ive been in and out the toilet. My stomach is hurling and churning like shit. I just cant handle it anymore. My stomach has always been so fucking sensitive, even if i eat the slightest bit of stale bread or leftovers that had'nt been heated up. This stomach of mine will go on a hurricane stike. And this will make my day more unbearable then ever. Tossing and turning on my bed all day. Like a crippled up worm that had been forced to stay in the sun; that is how i look like right now. This is all caused by the stupid nasi goreng kampung that i bought at the mamak stall last night. I have this peeve for eating food from mamak's stall. When i get home i would rush for the toilet. YES, the ultimate pooping fest begins .
Damn youuu mamak !
Here i am again. Making a fool of myself, waking up at the crack of dawn. With the feeling of indugence happiness overfilling my senses. Getting ready an dashing of to the nearest place where i can get WI-Fi just so i could spend some time with him. Eventho internet is just a meer place where we could connect and spend time. But still its my best part of living here. Just goin online with the anticipation that he will be online too. Wasting time., talking about no nonsense stuff and mayb sometimes the akward fights the akward heart to heart conversations that happens once in a blue moon. Being in love somtimes isnt that great. You fall in love, you expectations sometimes can be too unconditional. You expect the best out of everything and when it dosent turn out the way that you want it to. You just go drowning in your sorrows. The feeling of self hatred arise from the bottom of your soul .
Im in my own self-denial.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
You know the kind of music that when you hear, reminds you of old memories? The kind that when you hear itll make you all bubbly inside and the feeling of giddiness grows all over your body? Thats how i feel when i hear this song. Its just one of those catchy tunes that make you wanna love all over again :)
I love you from the bottom of my soul .
The most and frequent questions that people or more appropiate 'BUSY BODY PEOPLE' ask when they have no life and go snooping into other people's privacy;
Trouble in paradise ?
Don't you just hate questions like that? Especially phrased in such a prying manner. Keep it casual lah you mothereffers. like i fucking dont know what your intentions are already. If its a guy. Then i know you wanna hit on me. And if its a girl, i know you want my boyfriend. Yeah. boo me for getting a wee bit on the defensive side; I'm not feeling too kind lately, so reserve your skeptical remarks to yourselves, please? I have enough judgemental people to worry about as it is.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I remember,the fisrt time we met,i had a crush on you and i was thrilled when u said hye . I remember how u use to walk me up till the top of bukit cine and kissed me on the cheeks before saying goodbye. I remember we use to talk all night on the phone and waking up late the next day.and how call waiting was an absoloute NO for us. I remember that time i skipped school just so that we could go out and eat breakfast and lunch together. I remember the bike rides that we have in the evenings going around town and how i purposely came down with my bike so that you have to carry my bike for me all the way back up . I remember that we love to have fights everytime we get on a bus but ending up making fun of each other and laughing our heads off . I remember everytime we watched a muvi together you always make fun of me when i cry at the sad scenes . I remember that u always remember how i hate seat windows on the bus and how u always complain when we go on a transnasional bus because the space between the seats are too small and your legs couldnt fit . I remember pissing you off by always calling your name even when there'e nothing just because i like seeing u response. Lastly , i cant remember when was the last time i said thank you to you . so now i want to say THANK YOU so much for being in my LIFE . your the best :)
This is one of my favourite scenes in this movie. Its just a simple way of how a girl is actually saying that she's jealous. But as usual the male species never seem to get it :)
My favourite quote in here ;
'You dont have to yell, we're not at a train station. We're in a tiny car'
Go NICK ;)
Im reluctant in knowing that when something bad happens to me there is always gonna be something exciting that will make me smile in the near future. But the thing is. It never does. When something bad happens. The tragic woes to exaggerate even more. From one tiny little spot to an enormously big one. Lately, my sleep has been terrorized by a series of recurring bad dreams. TERIBBLE dreams. This has been going on for the past two weeks or so. Thus explaining the troubled sleepless nights ive been having. And i blame it all on the long-boring 3 weeks semester break im having. Ive been moping around all day.The same old monotony repeating itself. With nothing to do, causing my mind to wander of into the kinds of thoughts that you wouldnt want to know. Also causing the non-stop never ending fights we have been having a lot lately. Ok ,so back to the dream. Without going into the details, let me just say that it always ends up with me waking up in panic attack and sweat all over me. The kind of dream u have that the minute u wake up, you rush for your handphone. Calling the one person that your so scared to loose. And back again to my insecureness issues. Haihhhh all the pain, and all the dreams that ive been having. Belive me it feels horribly real.
Its like im being purposely made to feel the slow, agonizing sensation of knowing that when it comes to reality, Im just a helpless nobody that is falling to my inevitable demise.
Dreams are just what makes you learn that, there is never a happy ending.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I'm calculating what's left inside me
When everything I left were my life and my dreams
And every time you were proud of what you were not
This is the truth and it'll be a history
I gave you everything, I gave up my life and they were all for you,
you've ruined everything!
I gave you everything and I gave up my life
And they were all for you! (And they were all for you)
I wonder what went wrong, it became like this
when I'm not pretty sure (No, I'm not pretty sure)
After all the crossings we've been through,
it's not suppose to be like this. Why?
And every time you're fucking proud of what you're not
I hate the truth but still it'll be a history
I swear you will know this somehow
Before it's too late and dies
Realities are so complicated
I wish to see the truth shines brightly in your eyes
It's even for me, and even for you
Just try to understand!
You and me, yeah I remember,
Look how we were meant to be!
Insecureness has always been my biggest weakness. And I know for a fact someday he would give up and leave. Just the thought of when that day will come makes my stomach churn. I've never really imagined how it would feel not having him by my side to laugh at the stupid jokes that i make up, in the feeble attempt of trying to cheer him up; after the fact that i just said something that would delibrately spoil his mood. But nor the les, he still laughs at them, even when i think it wasnt much of a joke. Im to depressed and overwhelmed to even actually be telling anything at the moment. Just a meer persona of me reminding my self. That when reality slaps back on me. I just have to be tough. Deeply i know that just a couple of words wont soften his heart. But in my expense. at this point i will try everything thats worth to make things better.
YES, I'M A LONER .
10 SIGNS YOU SHOULD LEAVE
You know it's all a game.
That we play back and forth.
I leave. You chase.
And were back to square one.
We were not mean to be.
And I tried my best to work it through.
I asked my friends "what should I do?"
Their only advice was leaving you.
But I'm glad I did.
Or at least that's what I tell myself.
I swear to God I never would of known
Your face or your name.
If everyday is a constant reminder you're a:
Whore, liar, ghost, harlet.
And it's sad to say, that
I still cry to the Bayside CD everyday.
Don't you know that those songs are about you?
Check tracks 8 and 9.
Then call me back.
You ask me "when is it over?"
Over? This isn't over till I say it's over.
Back to Square one.
It's been three weeks, two days, and 23 hours since Tris broke up with Nick. And now here she is at his gig, with a new guy. How could she have moved on so fast? This begins the night of Nick, Norah and Manhattan. The night of stripping nuns, hotel ice rooms, Russian food, psychotic ex-boyfriends and lovingly trashy ex-girlfriends. It's the night of Julio and Salvatore. The night of holding hands and writing songs and singing in the rain. It's a night they'll never forget.Nick, a high-school senior from Hoboken, can't stop obsessing about Tris, his cute, blond, conniving ex-girlfriend. Norah, also a senior and an acquaintance of Tris's, is dissed by Tris at a club in New York City, so to show she's cool and has a boyfriend, she goes up a stranger, whispers in his ear, and kisses him. It's Nick. Thus begins a night of fits and starts between Nick and Norah as they share a love of music, hunt for an elusive band scheduled to play somewhere that night, search for Norah's drunk friend Caroline - with the help of Nick's gay band mates, and keep running into Tris and Nora's sort-of boyfriend. Both Nick and Norah have to figure out what they want.
OR LEAVE TONIGHT AND VANISH UP THE SHORE.
ANYWHERE BUT HERE.
IT'S THREE O'CLOCK WE'RE DRIVING IN YOUR CAR,
YOU'RE SCREAMING OUT THE WINDOW AT THE STARS,
"PLEASE DON'T DRIVE ME HOME!"
BLAME US BECAUSE WE ARE WHO WE ARE.
HATE US BECAUSE YOU'LL NEVER GET THAT FAR.
AND WHO'D SUPPOSE YOU WOULD GO?
I'VE ALREADY LEARNED ENOUGH TO KNOW.
TELL ME ALL THE PLACES WE COULD GO.
AND COUNT THE HEADLIGHTS PASSING ON THE ROAD,
A LONG, LONG TIME AGO.
HERE WE ARE.
FOREIGN TO THEIR WORLD.
STRAIGHT AND COMPOSED.
YOUR SERMONS I CAN DO WITHOUT
AND I FINALLY FOUND.
THAT EVERYBODY LOVES TO LOVE YOU
WHEN YOU'RE FAR AWAY.
COULD IT BE WE'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG
WE'D MAKE IT BACK TO YOUR PLACE BEFORE DAWN
"PLEASE, DON'T TAKE ME HOME."
"PLEASE, DON'T TAKE ME HOME."
Oh and ive been ratting this thru my brain the whole day. How much is a lie worth?
I loathe liars. Theres a special hell in my heart for scums like that; but
Hey, retaliation comes in twisted ways. So better watch ur back.
I know i lie too.
I decided that I needed to vent and relive some of the things of my past.
That is exactly what this story is for me, a way to remember and to relive everything and in the end to forgive anyone that I still have not forgiven.
For many twenty two-year-olds there isn't much of a story to tell of their past or of their present, but my story is one that should have been used for a soap opera because of all the twists and turns that ended up coming my way.
But through it all I have tried to keep my head held high and my smile aglow.
I am not one, these days, to let the little things in life get my down.
You will never hear me say that my day is ruined because it's raining or that I'm upset because something broke. Sure I might be....disappointed....but that's all, because after seeing all I have seen and doing all I have done it takes a lot to make me sad. A little rain, some broken glass, or even some hurtful words are not enough to make me cry.